Russian Highlights!

Even though we haven't got the faintest idea what they're going on about, this clip from Russian TV gives us some clues to the highlights to tomorrow night's Russian Eurovision final...

47 seconds: blue light up spiders and a space age super vixen dressed in silver cardboard.

1 minute 7 seconds: outrageous butterfly costumes that make 3+2's pop-up Belarussian butterfly wings look pedestrian.

1 minute 22 seconds: OMG! The Siberian grannies are back with a Europop stomper! And there's nothing that's going to stop them dancing!

1 minute 58 seconds: a woman with eyebrows drawn on with a great big permanent marker pen.

2 minute 40 seconds: some blonde haired bloke talking about how he really isn't bothered that he's competing against Dima Bilan and that's all anyone wants to talk to him about. No really... It doesn't bother him at all.

She Makes Us Dance... Like A Maniac!

The songs for the Greek final have been announced and preview videos, which all appear to have been filmed in a downtown Athens shopping centre, have appeared. The Schlagerboys' favourite is "Aphrodisiac" sung by Eleftheria Eleftheriou, which sounds like just about every other Greek entry of the past 10 years (apart from the total racket they sent to Düsseldorf last year) and is all the more fabulous for it. We can even imagine doing a spot of Helena Paparizou-esque side-to-side Zorba dancing if this comes on at a Eurodisco over the next few months.

Swedish Schlager Scoring!

The 2012 Melodifestivalen final is the worst ever for the Schlagerboys; it's the first year we are not excited about any song. Now that Sweden has dumped Lotta, Charlotte, Youngblood and Timoteij, Loreen is the only one we would want to win but it's hardly schlagertastic, is it?

So in an effort to stop moaning the Schlagerboys are conducting a scientific schlager experiment to find the most schlagertastic Melodifestivalen final since 2002 in contrast to this years dull-fest. Hurrah! Every year will be awarded one point for each schlager stomper.

2002: Never Let It Go, Världen Utanför, Vem é dé du vill ha, Kom Och Ta Mig, The One That You Need
= 5 points

2003: Give Me Your Love, Let Your Spirits Fly, Not A Sinner Nor A Saint, Crazy In Love, Hela Världen För Mig, Genom Eld Och Vatten, Aqua Playa
= 7 points

2004: Det Gör Ont, Min Kärlek, La Dolce Vita, Tango Tango, Vindarna Vänder Oss, C'est La Vie
= 6 points

2005: Håll Om Mig, Alcastar, Att Alska Dig, Du Och Jag Mot Världen, Alla Flickor
= 5 points

2006: Evighet, Temple Of Love, Sing For Me, Jag Ljuger Så Bra, Lev Livet!, Idag & I Morgon
= 6 points

2007: Cara Mia, Vågar Du, Vågar Jag, Samba Sambero
= 3 points

2008: Hero, Lay Your Love On Me, Just A Minute, Hur Svårt Kan Det Va?, I Love Europe
= 5 points

2009: La Voix, Baby Goodbye, Hope And Glory, Stay The Night
= 4 points

2010: Manboy, Kom, Jag Vill Om Du Vågar
= 3 points

2011: Popular, Oh My God!, I'm In Love, E Det Fel På Mig?,
= 4 points

2012: Amazing (possibly)
= 1/2 a point

Conclusion: 2003 was the most schlagertastic year; Melodifestivalen used to be fab and now the schlager sparkle has gone. Watch Portugal instead next week.

Sweden: Give The Hump A Chum!

If Sweden don't send Lotta and Christer to Baku, who is Englebert going to talk to at the Welcome Party? He's hardly going to be supping cocktails and talking to Danny, Tooji and the woman with the Native American headdress from Netherlands, now is he?

Sweden, vote for the beginning of a beautiful schlager friendship.

We Heart The Hump!

OMG!! It's going to be Engelbert Humperdinck for the UK in Baku! He might be about a million years old but he's still got huge hair and, judging by his back catalogue, he's not averse to a bit of cheesemungous Eurodisco...

Hurrah for The Hump!

Second Chance To Save Sweden!

So far the Swedish final is absolutely rubbish. Only Loreen provides any excitement. Danny's light-up suit is okay and the orange bloke is good for a laugh, but where's the schlager?

So this Saturday night it's imperative that Sweden vote for Lotta, Youngblood and Timoteij to give us at least two reasons not to watch Portugal on March 10th instead. 

Stick It Up Your Juries!

The Schlagerboys are LOVING this moment when the Dutch televoting public completely ignored the so-called professional jury members AND the 40-odd foreigners who had all voted for the other two boring songs in the Superfinal and plumped instead for Joan's singa-longa guitar schlager anthem! And it makes it even more fabulous that Joan's dressed in an outrageous American Indian outfit and completely upstaging Pearl and Ivan just by standing there.

There Was Always A Bit Of Eurovision In Me!

It's all go this weekend and in a few hours time it's the Dutch Nationaal Songfestival. There's a potential schlager stompathon taking part, and judging from the 30 second clip we've heard, "Chocolatte", will be a Eurodisco classic for years to come. Oh! My! God! It's Raffaëla Paton.

Schlagerboys: We've only heard a short clip of your song so can you tell us what is it actually all about? Is it really about a chocolate flavoured coffee drink?

Raffaëla Paton: My song "Chocolatte" is about chocolate. And nothing more! How much I like like chocolate and what it can do to make me happy! But it.s not about a drink.

SBs: What will your performance be like on Sunday? We've seen photos of you with dancers wearing sailor hats – will they be making an appearance on stage?

RP: Sunday I'm going to own the stage. I'm going to dance with dancers (girls) to show how much we like chocolate. And the guys with the sailor hats.. hahaha they are members of the band I'm in. That night we had to perform on a boat. That why we're wearing the hats! This is us in action.

SBs: Have you got a fabulous outfit planned?

RP: My outfit.. people gonna talk about that's for sure..

SBs: How did you get involved with Eurovision?

RP: When I was 8 years old I first entered a stage and performed. I promised myself that moment, that this was going to be my job work life. A few years later my uncle Humphrey Campbell represented Holland during the Eurovision. He came 9th. The year after his (now ex) girlfriend Ruth Jacott represented Holland in the Eurovision and came 6th! PROUD! So there was always a bit of Eurovision in me.

SBs: So you’re sort of related to Dutch Eurovision icon, Ruth Jacott. Has she given you any tips and advice? Has Ruth still got the fabulous flared trouser catsuit outfit she wore on stage in Ireland? Does she let you try it on when you go round for tea?

RP: Ruth told me last Sunday to act in stage like I always act. With dance and fun and love and laughter. And then I got this..! She gave me a hug for strength.

SBs: Besides Ruth who are your other Dutch Eurovision icons?

RP: "Without You" from Reunion, "Hemel En Aarde" from Edsilia Rombley and Maxine and Franklin Brown "De Eerste Keer".

SBs: It was a travesty when Sieneke and her giant organ didn’t make the Eurovision final in Oslo wasn’t it? Were you as disappointed as we were?

RP: I was disappointed when Sieneke didn't make it to the finals but more because were fighting so hard the last few years and we don't even make it to the finals. Its a shame..

SBs: You won Idol a few years ago. What have you been doing since? What other music have you released? Is it all like "Chocolatte"?

RP: I did a lot after Idols. At first I became a mother of a lovely girl called Beautifull. After that I taped a lot of songs and what's the most important I performed a lot so when I'm on stage now it's like a second home. I also went to Afghanistan in 2010 to perform for the soldiers there. It was a life changing experience.

SBs: Have you got a message for the readers of Schlagerblog?

RP: My message is: You live only once, make the best of it. Don't care what other people say. Live the life YOU thing is right. VOTE FOR RAFFAELA- CHOCOLATTE!!!

What a fabulous motto Raffaëla!! Good luck tonight!!

In The Green Room...

Fredrik: I should have made the key change more clunky....

Charlotte: ...and I was walking back from the video screen for that bit! What was I thinkingI should have stood still and rolled my head or something ...

Fredrik: Hmmm. shall we go and find the buffet

Charlotte: No thanks, Fredrik,.I ate last Tuesday.

Feel The Pow-ow-ow-er Of Schlager!

It's taken four weeks but finally the final heat in Melodifestivalen tonight gives us some fab schlager to get excited about. Hurrah! We never gave up hope!

It's a schlager heat of death as three fab songs compete for two spaces in the final:

1. "The Girl" by Charlotte Perrelli gives us everything we want from Melodifestivalen and would make for a schlagertastic Swedish Eurovision entry. The verse is fab, the chorus is singalongafab, it's got an ABBA reference with plinky plonky Mamma Mia instrumental bit, it's got a great build up to a classic Perrelli key change and a clunky bit just after, and it's got a proper ending too. God bless Sir Fredrik of Kempe.

2. "Don't Let Me Down" by Lotta Engberg and Christer Sjögren has already become a schlager anthem at Schlager Towers. It's got a fab "aaaaaah" wailing bit in the first ten seconds; it's possibly the most cheesetastic song ever to make Melodifestivalen and the lyrics are hilarious; our favourite couplet being "From a distance you're still hot". The key change in the middle is classic Lasse Holm and our only disappointment in in the lack of key change for a final repeated chorus but never mind. Oh and the ending is pure 1983. God bless Lord Lasse!

3. "Amazing" by Danny Saucedo is also quite good in a non-song type of way. Clearly the song thinks it's too modern to shove in a key change, the verse is way more exciting than the chorus and there is a really annoying "break it down" bit in the middle but it ticks boxes and we can forgive a lot when Danny jumps around in a snug fitting light up suit.

We will be watching via the interweb later on from behind a cushion when the results come in because it seems to be a foregone conclusion that Danny will go to the final but we really want Charlotte and Lotta & Christer to get there! Then you've got the hideous Lord Thomas of G:Son rock song and frankly looking at the rubbish Sweden has been voting for over the last three weeks heaven only knows what will happen later.

Sweden, do your schlager duty!

I Looooove Italian Salami! In Every Possible Way!

It's the Austrian final tomorrow night and amongst the rubbish rock songs is a schlager stompathon of almost Carola-esque proportions sung by a lady with a beard. Oh! My! God! It's Conchita Wurst!!

Schlagerboys: Conchita! You are FABULOUS! Where have you been all our lives?

Conchita Wurst: Awww…you are so cute. Thank you so much!

SBs: To be honest you probably weren't born for most of them. Your last name means sausage in English. What’s your favourite kind of sausage?

CW: I looooove Italian salami! In every possible way.... with pizza, hot, cold, with or without bread.

SBs:You clearly know how to dress and have amazing fashion sense, so what will you be wearing for the Austrian Eurovision selection show?

CW: Actually I'm not that sure yet. I think something glittering.

SBs: Good choice. Obviously we love your song, but could you put in a key-change just after the slow bit towards the end? You could have fireworks and wind-machines being turned on at that point. It would be amazing!

CW: Hey guys, thank you for the input.... I'll immediately call my agent!

SBs: When you win we'll expect all of the above. Have you got any tips on how we can get our hair looking as glamorous as yours?

CW: Well, you know it's all about taking care..... and having awesome stylists. I could never do my hair like they do..... I just love them!

SBs: You're involved in something called Salon Kitty. What’s that all about?

CW: This is a burlesque revue in Vienna named after Kitty Willenbruch. I am hosting the show. It’s spectaculous, you should come and watch it some day!

SBs: Have you got any favourite Austrian Eurovision divas? We love Petra Frey and think she is a Schlager ICON! How about you? Could you do a duet with Petra please?

CW: I also like Petra Frey, especially her style... such a beautiful woman! I would love to sing with her. Someone I also adore is Nadine Beiler, of course.

SBs: Ooh we forgot all about her! Do you have a message for the readers of Schlagerblog?

CW: Hey there, I am so thankful for this lovely interview and I hope to see you all in Baku!

You are FABULOUS Conchita!! Good luck tomorrow!! And next time we're in Vienna we'll pop into Salon Kitty!

Dutch Duel Schlager Disaster!

It's the Dutch final this weekend and for some reason they've split the 6 songs into duels which will leave a Superfinal of 3 songs. But it's really all about the first duel between Raffaëla and her song, "Chocolatte" and Joan's "You & Me". All the rest are a bit boring...

"Chocolatte" could be the schlager anthem of the season and "You & Me" is singa-longa happy clappy guitar schlager (if there is such a thing). If only they weren't up against each other! Silly Dutch TV!!

Love Generation Were Fab!

The Schlagerboys loved Love Generation and Youngblood last night in Sweden. Fab dance routines, lots of enthusiasm, a couple of back flips, fireworks, and key changes (mostly from the boys) made for two schlagertastic performances. And then the Swedish public go and spoil it all by sending the dreary yawnfest from Molly Sandén to Globen! What's going on???

At least we get to see Youngblood again in a couple of weeks for the Andra Chansen; may the schlager gods please not put them up against Timoteij in the dreaded duels. But it's bye bye to Love Generation who provided the schlager shocka last night by disappearing altogether in the first round; further evidence that Sweden is clearly losing the plot this year.

The big surprise for the Schlagerboys was how excited we got about Björn Ranelid feat. Sara Li. Who'd have thought a bonkers orange bloke wandering around the stage rambling on in Swedish while his granddaughter prances around for the chorus in a glittery frock would be so fab! The best bit was near the end where the key change should have been, when he clearly forgot his microphone was live and started mumbling the words to the chorus. Love it!

Björn Ranelid gives us a second song to be excited about in the final, joining Loreen. 2 out of 6 isn't very good but we're pinning our hopes on week 4 and Lotta and Charlotte bringing the schlager back to Globen. And you never know, Danny may surprise us all and give us a song with a tune this year!

Nice Work If You Can Get It!

You won Eurovision last year and turn up in Italy. All you have to do is walk on stage at some godforsaken hour and open an envelope. You don't have to sing your song. And you don't even have to sit through several squillion hours of people speaking Italian and singing rubbish songs because you probably sat in your hotel room watching reruns of "Desperate Housewives" and doing your hair until 10 minutes before traipsing on stage. Nice work El & Nikki!

Give Us A Wave, Sir Fredrik!

The schlager pickings are slim again in Sweden tonight but at least we'll get to wave at Sir Fredrik of Kempe on the songwriters couch. One day we'll get organised and send  Sir Fredrik and Lord Thomas schlager gonks to put on the table in front of them for good luck. Lets face it, this year schlager songwriters need all the luck they can get in Sweden.

The Schlagerboys are looking forward to a fab Youngblood dance routine and key change. The girls in Love Generation are looking rather glam too in stripy unitards, which are going on the Schlagerboys' Christmas list for 2012.

Youngblood! Youngblood! You Can Call Them Youngblood!

The Song Has Two Key Changes! It's Fredrik, What Did You Expect!

It's about time we had a new song by the King Of The Clunky Key Change himself, Sir Fredrik of Kempe. We're two weeks in to Sweden and it's all been very un-schlagertastic so far, so the Schlagerboys are very excited about the third heat of Melodifestivalen 2012 this weekend; Sir Fredrik is back, Back! BACK!! He's written a song for a brand new Swedish boyband. Oh! My! God! It's Youngblood!

Schlagerboys: Who on earth are Youngblood? What did you all do before getting together as a group? How did Youngblood come together?

Youngblood: The group is the result of an audition process that went on throughout the summer. We all tried out and were handpicked for the project by, among others, Fredrik Kempe.

SBs: Ooh how exciting! Why weren't we invited? What is the song "Youngblood" like? Has it got a clunky key-change?

Youngblood: The song is a great way to show the audience what we are like as a group. The song actually has two key changes, but Fredrik wrote it, what did you expect!

SBs: All hail Sir Fredrik! How did you get to work with schlager songwriting icon Sir Fredrik of Kempe?

Youngblood: The project was his and Robert Skowronski's idea from the beginning. Since Sweden has some of the best writers of boyband songs ever, it seemed right for Sweden to have their own boyband.

SBs: What’s it like recording a song with Sir Fredrik? Did you all go round his house and have tea and cake on the sofa and discuss Sanna Nielsen and Charlotte Perrelli?

Youngblood: Both Fredrik and David are some of the most inspiring people we've all worked with, so there is always room for jokes and conversation. But we all do it while being professional. And yes we now know a story or two about Swedish singers!.

SBs: Ooh do tell; we'll keep it to ourselves! Do you know all of Fredrik's other Melodifestivalen entries over the years? What is your favourite?

Youngblood: We all know what he had done before, that's why we appreciate that we get to work with him. But of all his entries, we like "Youngblood" the most, of course!

SBs: Have you been working on a dance routine for your Melodifestivalen performance? Will you be using props on stage like Eric's exploding glass box from this year? What will your dance routine be like?

Youngblood: Much like the song, you will see energy and liveliness in the dance performance. The dance is very much like the song.

SBs: Who is your favourite Swedish schlager icon of all time? Is it Kikki Danielsson?

Youngblood: No, it's Molly Sandén.

SBs: Yawn! The youth these days have absolutely no idea! Do you have a message for the readers of Schlagerblog?

Youngblood: We just want them to know that we appreciate all the support!

Thanks Youngblood! Good luck in Leksand!

Christer's Schlager-o-meter!

There was some sort of award thing last week in Sweden with a tribute to Christer Björkman which was basically an excuse to roll out lots of schlager celebs for a huge medley. More interesting than the celebs on stage however, was Christer's reaction to each one, which we can use in a schlager-scientific experiment to predict likelihood of schlager comebacks at Melodifestivalen in years to come. How exciting!

Shirley Clamp
Schlager Reaction: The glittery cardie is so not a good look. Bring back the blue wrap-around frock.
Christer's Reaction: I've moved on.                        

Love Generation
Schlager Reaction: What miming was invested for.
Christer's Reaction: This is more like it! I'm current and down with the kids I am!

Andreas Johnsson
Schlager Reaction: Where did they drag him up from? Oh, that's right. He's in Melodifestivalen again this weekend.
Christer's Reaction: I should never have paired him up with Carola.                  

Sarek 
Schlager Reaction: Good grief. And where's the bloke with the wind-up box instrument?
Christer's Reaction: Hilarious back in 2003! Even more hilarious now!

Sanna Nielsen 
Schlager Reaction: OMG! Schlager icon!
Christer's Reaction: Like the schlager daughter I never had!

Linda Bengtzing
Schlager Reaction: Don't try the key-change, love. Oh, you didn't.
Christer's Reaction: I only put her in for a laugh every couple of years.

Afro-dite
Schlager Reaction: Don't bother with "The Boy Can Dance".
Christer's Reaction: Ooh, I love a bit of disco me. Time for some rubbish dad dancing.

Jenny Silver
Schlager Reaction: Robbed last year!
Christer's Reaction: I'm really getting into my dad dancing stride now!

Malena Ernman
Schlager Reaction: Malena was busy so they got a drag queen.
Christer's Reaction: Too scared to sit down.

Swingfly 
Schlager Reaction: Was Eric Saade busy?
Christer's Reaction: Remind who these pair are!

Måns Zelmerlöw
Schlager Reaction: The beardy look really isn't working. But pleased the "legs akimbo" dance routine makes an appearance.
Christer's Reaction: Everyone else is clapping so I'd better show willing.

Charlotte Perrelli
Schlager Reaction: Loving the big hair and heels.
Christer Reaction: Oooh, let's try the key-change head roll. I LOVE YOU CHARLOTTE!!!

What can we learn from this footage? Shirley and Måns appear to be finished while Linda is good for a laugh every now and then. Christer clearly loves Charlotte, Sanna and Andreas and they will always have a place in Melodifestivalen while Malena just gets scarier with every year that passes. So ends our scientific schlager experiment for the day. Hurrah!

Tooji-tastic Norway!!

The Schlagerboys had a completely schlagertastic weekend in Oslo for MGP 2012. Here are our schlager highlights:

- Tooji winning. The general assumption was that Plumbo were going to win and it was so exciting to see the votes coming in and realise quite quickly that it wasn't going to be "Ola Nordmann" in Baku. When Tooji started  to overtake the dreary yawnfest "Something Beautiful" we were on the edge of our schlager seats. "Stay" is a fabulous Eurovision entry; it's exciting, you can jump around to it and Tooji is nice to look at. Hurrah!

- We spent the afternoon at the rehearsal but managed to meet absolutely none of the schlager celebs as the Green Room had been moved from it's usual side-stage-accessible-position to behind the stage-away-from -stalkers position! Oh no!. We managed to get hold of Per and he told us to meet him at the side of the stage after the rehearsal and he would take us to meet Tooji, but time was getting on and we had to meet some schlager friends and open the vodka so we didn't bother waiting. Oops!

- After the show we jumped on the stage to make up for lost schlager celeb stalking time. In about ten minutes we managed to grab and have short "You are fabulous can we have a photo" conversations with Minnie-Oh, Reidun, hunky lead singer from The Carburettors, Silya Nymoen and Bobby Bare...well, he was standing nearby looking bemused so we thought we might as well. We really wanted to grab hold of Tommy Fredvang but he was no-where to be seen; judging from his reaction to standing in the line up for the super final four times he was probably off sobbing somewhere.

- Far more exciting than the celebs on the stage were the smattering of those in the audience. During the interval we managed to grab Benedicte from Dollie Deluxe and Haldor from 2001. He seemed genuinely surprised that we remembered his song; we didn't like to admit that we didn't actually because it was a boring ballad. We also sat either side of Nora Brocksetdt for a fab schlager photo. We told she was a schlager icon and we loved her and she said absolutely nothing back to us but was clearly  loving the attention. We walked past the Norwegian Prime Minister and said "Oh My God! are you the Prime Minister?" and he said no he was the Mayor of Oslo. Well it's an easy mistake to make. We didn't bother asking for a photo.

- After the show we nipped back to the Radisson for a quick vodka. The Radisson was the schlager hotel for the weekend; earlier that day we spotted Lord Thomas tucking in to breakfast and stood next to one of Plumbo in the lift. We didn't speak to Plumbo man; we ignored each other. In the entrance to the hotel we managed to get a photo with Nora Foss Al-Jabri and tell her we loved her song; this is a complete lie because we couldn't stand "Something Beautiful" but she's only about eleven years old so you have to be nice. Standing across the floor we noticed Christian A1 so we ran up to him and drunkenly gabbled "We used to fancy you ten years ago! Can we have a photo please". Christian A1 looked absolutely horrified but duly posed with us. He then said, perhaps as a way of changing the subject, "I've now written three songs that came second..." "ah yes", we replied, "But you've never won because you keep putting ballads in! Send something fab like "The First To Believe" by A1 next time" He said he would think about it. Outside we bumped in to Per and congratulated him on a fab MGP final and a fab winning song. He asked us where we were going now and we told him the Brighton Pub for a Eurovision party. He said; "see you" which was basically his way of saying, "Well you 'aint coming to the Official After Show Party!" but we don't mind.

- We went to The Brighton Pub on Friday and Saturday night for a Eurovision disco which was totally schlagertastic. Both nights get a bit hazy but we do recall demonstrating the full dance routine to "Rocket Ride" and "Sha la lie" at some point. We spent Saturday evening with our favourite Scandinavians, the Good Evening Europe bloggers. We were particularly impressed with their talents for arty photos and the way one of them can hold her vodka.

The Schlagerboys have renewed our "Norway is fab" vows and depending on what song the UK send to Baku, may be applying for citizenship. Considering the rubbish that Sweden came up with last night in Melodifestivalen, there is no doubt that Norway is once again the schlager capital of Europe. Vi elsker Norge! We love you! Oslo 2013!

Do Your Duty Norway!